Privacy Policy, By signing up to Tinybeans newsletters you agree to our Terms and Turns out he was just a mute sitting on a tack. Bookworms. 106. Thats what New York Citys done to me. Im paranoid, and it was the only place where my fears were justified. Loving my trip to the Big Apple-tini. I could see him thinking, I cant do what I normally do, which is stick out my hand and stop these doors, as Ive got these bags. There's a kissing noise, and then the sound Often, the amplified voices of the Because while New York City is amazing, its definitely not perfect. Tire-less., 12. Its a very liberal city, but its so hypocritical in what its liberal about. Slums with trees. Please see my disclosure for more information. They should change the name of that ride to 1927. Why are New Yorkers always so depressed? 16. I wish Id been. Hochul and state legislative leaders. But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches! There are so many people in this city, so much happening, that its impossible to tell if your apartment is haunted. Yawn., 104. Its filled with funny New York jokes that are sure to make you smile. This little piggy went to the Brooklyn Flea Market. Why are New Yorkers always so depressed? This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. So fun. 111. Ask any MTA employee for help when you need it. Hand cramp! MTA chair Janno Lieber was effusive about the budget deal on Friday, which gives the agency a $300 million lump sum cash infusion, a $500 million share of the licensing fees from downstate Voice of NYC subway, 66, reveals she's now trans woman and is working to make her speaking voice more feminine - but says she'll still use her famously-dulcet tones for work We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. You have a ludicrously capacious bag to carry your flat shoes for the subway. Now, he wasnt hurt. As they say in the movie Jerry Maguire, You had me at AIDS. Heres how I would have ordered those things. Living in New York can be challenging at times and its not that easy for everyone. You seen this Home Alone 2: Lost in New York shit? 14. Go Bills! I looked him in the eye and said "Yes, it's ok, you're free now". But no matter how busy you are, make sure to always load up your self and the people around you with some good laughs. Have a look at our jokes about New York City. 5. Im like, Cat noise? A bunch of people in New York said, Gee, Im enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isnt cold enough. NYCs New Years sucked. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. Because theres a Delhi on every block., 3. Because they couldnt find 3 wise men or a virgin. This is the only city where you actually have to say things like, Hey, thats mine. Commuters in the New York City subway. So for you to be a dildo, arrogant fan on top of that? He makes me angry, frustrated, and late for work but I still can't help but ride him every day. Its so cold here in New York that the flashers are just describing themselves. trains are running between Coney Island-Stillwell Av and 161 St-Yankee Stadium. The street art in New York is very ad-mural-able. Even when they try to be nice, they just cant. 10. Theyre just, Is that an octopus? "There's no F in Way" Why does New York have lots of garbage and Los Angeles have lots of lawyers? Turns out it was a bar mitzvah. This site has the official subway maps, line NYC looks terrible in the mornings. New York looks crappy in the mornings. To wake up oily., 28. Wanna get a pizza some wickedly wonderful New York City puns? Not to cause any trouble, but shouldnt that be an even number? Turns out the truth was hidden in train sight. Dont surprise me on Brooklyn bridge. No, shes too fat and disgusting. The worker screams in frustration: "I hate the mods on that sub!". There are so many ways to die here. Denis Leary, In other parts of the country, couples try to stay together for the sake of the children. 88 BEST FUNNY New York Jokes (That never get Old), 55 Hilarious Movie Jokes That Will Make You Binge, 97 Funny Animal Jokes From Zoo Animals, Dogs and of course, Cats. 99. Yeah, they really dropped the ball., 40. Even if you like New York, youll admit its not a nice place. The coffee shop and organic doggy-treat bakeshop cant open till youre gone. WebEpisode 7: The bros cometh. 183. However, there are 6 million interesting people in New York, and only 72 in Los Angeles. Neil Simon, Los Angeles is just New York lying down. Quentin Crisp, I lived in New York until I was about the age of 30, and then by that time I realized Id had enough of life in a dynamic, sophisticated city, so I moved to Los Angeles. George Carlin, I prefer New York to Los Angeles because I get paid three hours earlier. Henny Youngman, The women in California, they get scared. WebAt 28th Street, Scheen recounted the evolutionary tale of how male birds lost their penises, holding onto the metal subway pole for stability. Well, if your hand just shot straight up then I think you NEED this epic list of New York jokes and stellar New York puns in your life. The other frightens birds and small animals. The fisherman in New York City reeled in a 250-pound catfish measuring 6 feet 6 inches long.I dont get what the big deal is. 166. 122. Where did the math teacher like to hang out? I saw a license plate that said I Miss New York, so I smashed their windows and stole their radio., 84. Its the only place where if you look at anyone long enough, theyll eventually spit. Caroline Rhea, One day there was four innocent people shot. They export all of these items with the twin exceptions of muscle tone and points, neither of which seem to travel well. Fran Lebowitz, I have a theory about L.A. architecture. The less amount of time you live, the better in the eyes of the Post. Evian is gross! Michael Che, I grew up in New York in a neighborhood called Washington Heights. Lost in New York? "Why do you do that?" 45. 87 FUNNY Duck Jokes That Little Quacker Will Love, 75 FUNNY Tree Puns and Jokes (For Nature Lovers), 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 15+ Ridiculously Funny Dinosaur Jokes To Laugh and Rawr 2023. I just returned from a trip in Germany, and I realized just how awful American children are. Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? 2. Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorkers God-given right., 97. Before I could ask if he was ok, he finished stacking the slices of ham with his left hand. 0. I do that on Tinder every day., 22. This is the only city where you actually have to say things like, Hey, thats mine. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! In Massachusetts, why do all the trees lean west? In other parts of the country, couples try to stay together for the sake of the children. 21. She replies where do you get the self control?, Governor of NYC Andrew Cuomo is starring in a New Sitcom Spinoff Murphy found himself in the London underground subway station, at four o'clock in the morning. Sure, they may be nice where I live in New York but kids in Germany are kinder. Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota? If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. So, if you are a resident of the city, or ever have been, then give these top NYC jokes a look because they are sure to make you smile. Find more hilarious funny new york city jokes here. Quick and efficient communication. Cancel Play It Again. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. A little kid is often picking his nose. Who was your source on that, New York Post? 163. Why do University of Buffalo grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards? But I hate when people go, New York City: 8 million people, 8 million stories. Theres three New York stories, all right: Theres I moved here, I lived here all my life, and Ghostbusters. Mike Lawrence, I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. Im like, Dude, arent you cold? No, Im from New York. I would say it boat-time! 102. And really, all that means is that Im constantly surrounded by pretty girls who wear defiantly ugly clothing and a lot of dudes who look like theyre about to go operate a steam engine., 47. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. Woody Allen, I love giving tourists directions. 7. Thats one of my favorite things to do. Youre either a tot or youre dead and youre an angel. This man was left with his head in the train and his body and bags flapping around outside on the platform. Why did the New York regents One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine. David Letterman, New York when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you. David Letterman, I think part of picking where you live in New York is accepting who you are. In New York, thats from building to building. Out-of-towners come to L.A. and rub it in my face.Hey, man, you know what you could buy for $700,000 in Alabama? Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? Basically like saying roger that. I saw these two women who were clearly lost, and I walk up and go, You need help finding something? She looks up and goes, Oh no, we prefer to find it ourselves. Isnt that a weird preference? Looking forward to the show. Marc Maron, New Yorks such a wonderful city. My great grandmother worked on the Underground RailroadBut since she lived in NYC, we just called it the subway., 42. You dont hear about Martians in Harlem. Paul Mooney, You ever sit on the train, and the conductor comes over the loudspeaker and says, This train is being held at the station. And you just sit there, and youre like, God, I wonder what its like to be held? Because youre so lonely. Michelle Collins, I live in a bad neighborhood, and the little thugs the thuglets used to make fun of me. I rode this roller coaster called the Cyclone. In winter, NYC is the city of tights. He hates New York. Steven Wright, I live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which is a very hip, cool neighborhood in New York. 17. Try to talk about regular stuff, like music and politics? Gol de walter montillo a flamengo x. Meteo nice 20 avril 2014. It makes both states smarter! Lots of jokes. We live in Murray Hill butttttt we're moving to Williamsburg! I love Hollywood. The lox were broken. My great grandmother worked on the Underground RailroadBut since she lived in NYC, we just called it the subway. The banker, stunned, asks, A $250,000 Rolls Royce? 5. Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines., 57. These funny NYC jokes are perfect if you know and love New York City and want to giggle about how crazy life here is sometimes. Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorkers God-given right. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Web1. Well here are things that you should learn and can joke about the locals. Thats quite a Roosevelt you have going on. Everybody loves it. Really?. Like, Heres a bunch of money just kind of punch me all over. And then, when I got off, I found out that the Cyclone is the oldest functional roller-coaster in the world. You gots schmutz on your foots, Toots!. So its nice to know that my son is going to grow up and some day have huge breasts, but its not really going to bother him that much. Greg Fitzsimmons, I spent $700,000 on a house in L.A. at the height of the housing market. WebThe G train is perhaps the butt of the most subway jokes and gets the least love out of any subway line in New York City. One took the wheels and tires, the other took the battery and the radio. I saw one guy the other day in New York, a homeless guy; he had a dog with him. If you just met someone, you would never say, Oh, yeah, this is your wife? All over Manhattan, large families have become a status symbol. In New York, they try to work things out for the sake of the apartment., 39. The whole thing. Al Madrigal, In L.A., rich people live with rich people and poor people live with poor people. I knew i should have just bought some mcdonalds, Subway is trash. Its great that youre able to do it. Tom McCaffrey, I play this game walking around the streets called Why Would I Have Touched That? I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won. 46. Love a good play on words? These cookies do not store any personal information. So, stop for 2.5 seconds and do something nice for yourself by reading through this awesome New York puns now. So much that I feel awkward when telling my black friends Im hopping the N train. Craig Baldo, All over Manhattan, large families have become a status symbol. Im paranoid, and it was the only place where my fears were justified. Anita Weiss, New York City is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell. Jeff Garlin, In NYC, one suicide in ten is attributed to a lack of storage space. Judith Stone, Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorkers God-given right. Ghostbusters II, New York is the city that never sleeps, which is why it looks like hell in the morning. Bill Maher, Theres so little greenery in NYC, it would make a stone sick. Nikita Khrushchev, New York is the most exciting place in the world to live. In Massachusetts, why do all the trees lean west? The Big Apple is home to what kind of hipsters? Whats a nice person like you doing in a place like this? We are exporting the best and premium quality porcelain slab tiles, glazed porcelain tiles, ceramic floor tiles, ceramic wall tiles, 20mm outdoor tiles, wooden planks tiles, subway tiles, mosaics tiles, countertop to worldwide. What is the best way to get from Boston to NYC? The dried-out husk of Kendalls soul is up, Roman is spiraling down, and the game of. 3. Dont pee on that. Louis CK, I think thats how Chicago got started. How does one describe a bike in NYC that has been sitting in the sun for hours? Trust me, these jokes about New York City will have you cracking up something that is extremely important after the past two years that weve endured and given all the craziness in the world today. Because theres a Delhi on every block. Honestly, I dont get the big deal. Theyd say, There goes Obama!