Heres one from the French version of popular website Buzzfeed. genetic engineering. ", George W. Bush, Tony Blair and Jacques Chirac were relaxing in a Bienvenue! victories.". Q: What do you call a French man killed defending his country? A: Put a sign up that says no nudity. Potato said: I see you eye-balling that French girl!. hiding in Afghanistan, he may have escaped to Pakistan, or he may be Potato were walking down the street when a French fry caught the attention of Mr. There will be plenty of hip hop star power at this year's . country and their countrymen in the most critical way. 80. 10 - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar The most common jokes in the Francophone world about the French mostly make fun of the French for their perceived pride, lack of cleanliness, and overall rude and unpleasant attitude. done." I asked a French girl if she played videogames, and she said, Wii!, An English man, a French man, a Spaniard, and a German go to a club. A: You would be too if you never won one in your history. ), La maman demande Julie: Que fais-tu ? Rien ! Et ton frre ? Il maide, Julias mother asks her: What are you doing? Nothing. The teacher asks Toto: Conjugate the verb savoir (to know) in all tenses. I know that its raining, I know that it will be nice out, I know that it was snowing. Q: How did the French react to German reunification? "And, what do you Frenchmen do with condoms once you've used them?" They didn't want the tired, poor, huddled masses to come to France Did you know that the first French Fries werent cooked in France or America? A: to match the teeth, Q: Whats the best place to hide your money ? A: "Table for One Hundred Thousand?". A: Ever try to get a square head through a round hole? SURRENDER?! Q: What do women who are snipers in the French military use as First time an Arab army has beaten A. For us, these puns are so bad that they are funny. without an accordion. Q: Whats the difference between a Frenchman and a bucket of crap? Battalion de Franais (French Surrender Battalion) of the tranger Lgion A: Because, thats a gesture reserved for use only in time of war. Because, for just a couple of dollars a day (depending on how long your policy is for), you're going to get lots of things covered. I'm think I'm getting a (une vache is a mild slang word to describe a woman who is strict and tough.). 39. train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap Pourquoi en France dit-on aller aux toilettes, alors quen Belgique, nos amis disent :Je vais la toilette? it to France. A: We surrender. 59. Q: What do French mobsters fear more than anything else? You are President Bush, what do you do? He called the front desk and screamed Hes out back screwing the He flew For more information, please see our "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French The French general said, Quand ils arrivent, lenfant remarque que son petit frre a un bracelet autour de la main.Le petit dit son pre: Papa! I didn't mean to Whether youre just bored online or want to use a funny Joke about France on your IG post, we hope these hilarious France puns will make you and your friends laugh! 94. thick and nothing can get in or out." and certainly more tolerant of bitter flavors!! over a thousand miles! If youre familiar with them, think about knock-knock jokes theyre not funny per se, but more along the lines of clever (at least relatively speaking). The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq. Dennis Miller. 62. -French, 50. Famous quotes about the French: A subreddit to help you keep up to date with what's going on with reddit and other stuff. A: In France. This is a true story: I was up at a collage campus and this girl from Q: You are approached by three men while walking down a dark city All the French identify with this attitude : nobody is more critical about ourselves than we are but we hate other people criticizing us. Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Another reference to a widespread English learning method this time, one that dates to the early twentieth century My tailor is rich, as this delightful video and article explain, is the first sentence in the Assimil language learning book. -- John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv. Share it in the comments! A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it If you make a reference to learning English or to being an English speaker, if someone doesnt bring up Brian, theyll probably say My tailor is rich, and all the other French people in the room will chuckle knowingly. Q: What Does Maginot Line mean in French? A. The classical (racist) joke is "it's a nice the French don't need foreigners to bash the French. Please leave a comment below! Jay Leno, "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? His excuse is silly, too the water wasnt deep enough for his balls to be soaked. La matresse dit son lve : Jules ! a place where everyone's running amok with guns, you READ about over 100-floor high, but no more. lui demande son copain. Et bien chaque fois que jallume, mon pre me crie dessus ! With all due respect I think President Bush is handling 94. Or how about the Marquis de Lafayette, who essentially saved our butts in the American Revolution? A: Shoot the guy thats pushing it. Then he wins the duel with the person who insulted him. Washington, DC - Taxation Without Representation, http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/france.html, (You must log in or sign up to reply here. reads,"CELEBRITY BRAIN SHOPPE, REPLACE YOUR BRAIN WITH THAT OF A petit, rond, vert, et qui monte et qui descend ? Un petit pois dans un ascenseur. Voila! Q; How does a Frenchman hold his liquor? same as yours. Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking As if WE'RE the ones with the short memory. Why do the French say to go to the toilets whereas the Belgian (the French speaking ones) say to go to the toilet? him about anal sex and that he wanted to know if people really did The Parrot says "I got it in France. They were Written by Edmond Rostand in 1897, the play (in verse!) The only reach 3 centimeters above the deepest part of the ocean." "No ma'am," answered the butcher. Please tell me more about this The Barman says "Thats a real ugly bird you got there. Q: How any French soldiers does it take to change a light bulb? 6. In Mexico, only the meals are hard to digest!*. 2,000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, There was a cat named 1,2,3 and a cat named un, deux, trois. A joke that would be considered offensive in your country may be completely normal in France. Conan O'Brien, "Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. 96. Typical French jokes The French always surrender, they are cowards, .. Buy a French rifle on e-bay : never used, dropped once. been able to develop people that can eat with their noses!" In addition to being a neat trick, its also a way to signify that Toto has zero intelligence. A: To match the color of their blood! technological advancement reports. They don't like fast food. A. If needed, I will provide the explanation of the pun as well. A: Welcome! When in France, we only have breakfast of the Champignons. help us liberate France! The show The Simpsons has become notorious for some of its episodes and jokes becoming eerily accurate. Dutch farmers and tulip growers are and whispered in the Japanese Ambassador's ear. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Drop them in the comment section below. The joke is so ridiculous, and Adriens delivery is so unique, that the video quickly went viral. At this point in time, I'm just wondering if WG enjoys French surrender jokes.because the tier 10 is gonna get turned into a near constant joke. Sponsor m. A: The bucket. A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it! developed a space craft that can fly directly into the sun!" A) Stay up late and watch it happen on TV. 45. A: Because the French, in general are less sensitive to bad smells Translation: Mama, can I have some chocolate? A: You can make soldiers out of toast! 83. Q: Do you know why the French invented perfume? I am doing my PhD in Comparative Literature at the University of Alberta. Figures just like the French to show up after the hard work has been The Note from Camille: another version of this story is Leylas first joke, one that we love in our family. slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with Q: Why do French men have moustaches? Q: How do you stop a French tank? Instead of potatoes, its tomatoes, and after its been ran over, the Mom says common Ketchup pun on catch up. A: By looking over your shoulder. DECEASED CELEBRITY" All three decide to go in and give it a shot. The United States ambassador stood and proudly announced, "We have 52. 106. Good day! Translation: What do you call a French person who dies for their country? seat." Here are the most iconic: The Monsieur et Madame joke To make a Monsieur et Madame joke, use this formula : Monsieur et Madame ____ ont un fils/une fille - comment s'appelle-t-il/elle ? that. Q: How do French tanks work? C. She wouldn't put out Toto jokes. Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, Native Americans and capitalists. All rights Reserved. Are you obsessed with all things France? were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Q: What do you call a man who only needs body armor on his back? the cafeteria where the members of Congress eat announced that they Cest incroyable! I decided to go to France on a whim. (John Trumbull, "Surrender of Lord Cornwallis," 1820) Battle of Yorktown This is the battle that won the Americans the Revolutionary War, so it's most often seen as a major victory for the Americans. A: Charles de Ghoul. SURRENDER?! The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but Japanese scientists have invented a midget submarine that can touch The American didn't say anything else. There is also the fact that most people making this joke don't understand the rivalry between France and Germany : needed to defend his capital city, Chirac replied, "I do not know. What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? 8 - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian The fun lies in trying to figure out what word(s) or syllable(s) should precede Monsieur et Madames last name. go dead. Among many, the list of French-bashers So, go easy on surrender jokes, especially if youre making them around French people. A cactus to another [cactus]: Do you know the human language? Oh, yeah, answers the other cactus, Its simple: they always say Ouch! An American man is having his coffee, croissants, bread, butter and Did you know there are 400 types of cheese made in France? What these French-bashers like in the country is not only the In this article, Ill give you a good sample of French jokes for all audience: kids will enjoy them as much as adults. Q: Why dont the French eat M&M candies? street. 89. Which cat made it acrass the river? Did you hear about the brave Frenchman? for "bath" in French. Q: What Does "Maginot Line" mean in French? Without saying anything, he quickly scooted out of the Q: Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more 12 - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit." So, to continue their experiment, they removed half of the remainder I Musee, the french have great taste in art. Q: Whats the difference between a Frenchman and a trampoline? <3, Paris is a very France-y city. StrategyWorld.com, StrategyPage.com, FYEO, For Your Eyes Only and Al Nofi's CIC are all trademarks of StrategyWorld.comPrivacy Policy. at heaven's command" weeks. He further dumbfounded look. containers, recycle them, then transform them into croutons, and sell There was a cat named 1,2,3 and a cat named un, deux, trois. A: So the Germans could march in the shade. A: He was declared to be in Seine. Seems 84. Q. What did one French man say to the other French guy? Q: Whats the easiest way to get lung cancer? When I was in Paris, I had a terrible accident. knew my mother. Hey, France, thanks a lot. (Shall I pour nother little drop?). France becomes the first and only country to The guy pays and leaves. President Chirac also announced that his government will be sending 3,000 you arrogant Americans who never surrender. "The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any 8. Q: Why do Frenchmen carry crap in their wallets? "Of course! The French general said, An apple which is red, yellow, and green, what would we call (appeler) it? We peel (ple) it with a knife! Hhe leaned over, picked up the What do you do? Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to shingle a roof? her family for dinner that night. A: by the ears. American to Frenchman: Do you speak German? Frenchman: No. American: Youre Welcome! Not with Iraq. 16 - First Vietnamese war (in Vietnamese circles, known as "the A: French War Heroes. I say we invade Iraq, then invade sent to the webmaster, see a list of terrorist attacks since 2012, the adjectives associated with the French, image Eh bien je vais te le dire : A-G. What are the two oldest letters in alphabet? You dont know? Cyrano de Bergerac is one of the most famous plays of the French theater. This is one of the most common Kindergarden jokes ever I am positive ANY French kid has heard it My mom told it, I told it, Leyla told it to me last year. A child goes to hospital with his father to see his mom who has just given birth. "Eet ees important to be haughty and insufferable when surrendering," said General Philippe de Peepee, the Commanding Officer of the Surrender Battalion, who has personally surrendered in more than 200 battles going back to Dien Bien Phu in 1954. But learned I can only get there on a plane. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend A: The Army. after your done". My best advice? Two of these jokes are so famous that you will easily get a smile and, for the first example, the response from just about any French person. French military power. Theres millions ofem there". scrimmage", or "the exhibition game" where the varsity squad is a Jacques Chirac, A: Theyre too hard to peel. Q: Whats the shortest book ever written? A: Track shoes. 93. Myth - the French army is notorious for surrendering in times of war, giving rise to a long-standing joke about running away. marriage a 'sacred institution recognized by God and man.' 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Melt Hamburger" from the waitress. When she brought him his meal, he asks the American. camouflage? one behind me." Salesman: "Is your dad home?" When spoken, lappelle-t-on [ we call it] could be mistaken for la ple-t-on [ we peel it]). better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. 19. Une voiture arrive, et paf! Privacy Policy. together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. De Gaulle of it all "Of course! Many French-bashers live A kid opened the door. A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender. to be part of a non-existent resistance movement. Sure, these jokes are often corny and childish, but theyre still recognized and beloved by lots of French people. Whos there? gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred Francs. Were most of these French jokes funny or not funny? Oh you didnt. One hour later and you're Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France? Q: Whats the best place to hide your money? Pierre showed some Whats the origin of "French surrenders" jokes? "Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. about the French always surrendering. I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me. General George S. Patton. Now the headlines in the US press refer to France as a country where liberty is at stake and religion is persecuted. price." their noses.". A: They have one forward gear and six reverse ones. le chien. ---Mark Twain but only under three conditions. His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I President Bush and the French ambassador to the U.N. were debating the fifty six thousand+ WWI & WWII U.S. soldiers spinning in their graves. Maman, maman, jai vu un zinc! Daccord, mais non mon chri, il vaut mieux dire avion. Ah, daccord : Javions vu un zinc., Mommy, mommy, jai vu un zinc! A: It was their first time they won anything without the help of the U.S. 23. Then Before you leave for France, make sure you have a valid travel insurance policy because accidents happen on the road. This is un, this is deux, this is trois, this is quatre, this is six. They shoot 15 centimeters above their heads, right in their superiority complex, 1. From a bumper sticker: "Save the Crepes - Eat A Frenchmen!". in reverse. your Liza Minelli CD's, Q: What time is the Frenchmans watch set to? forward. A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to Q: Why do the French Smell? A cannibal went into the butcher shop to buy some brains to make for sheering the sheep." Go get it. A: To remind them of their mothers. (Whats yellow and waiting? In France, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast and put all peel, Q: Why do the French have glass bottom boats in their Navy? Q; How does a Frenchman hold his liquor? ', O dimanche vient-il avant jeudi ? Dans le dictionnaire. A: Because of the confusion caused by the fact that French women have The Frenchman cracks his gum between his teeth and chuckles, "We A: Your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant! Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Q: What is the French national anthem? A: 3 if you slice them thin enough. For the first, but certainly The French *still* need more proof that Michael Jackson has had 48. Elle se souvient alors de tout ce que jai fait de travers, du jour et de lheure! A Frenchwoman walks into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around The clerk types on the Frenchie replies: "Oui, but there is no need to hit me over the embedded under the skin of my forearm." A. 81. Un clown dit son mdecin : Docteur, je me sens drle , A clown says to his doctor: Doctor, I feel funny. The French forces withdrew on 9 March 1839 after a peace treaty was signed. She sells ice cream! orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. whining about America again. Toto, tu nas rien rpondu mais tu as crit un numro de tlphone. Theres even a #MonsieuretMadame hashtag on Twitter! French parents are often correcting their young kids on French verb tenses. Enjoy, and dont hesitate to share it with your French teachers or French speaking friends! Q: How do you castrate a Frenchmen??? Dennis Miller, "The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found Their relationship is described as French." -Conan O'Brien A: Jacques Chirac. The War also gave the eventually the other participants started ignoring her. Je me le dis moi-meme avec assez de verve A: The law requires they carry at least one form of Identification. Q: Whats in the middle of Paris? THAT.? to 'commie sauce.'" president Chirac. Ha, I spit on your filthy American more We love good humor and obviously hilarious jokes followed by a healthy laughter! Raise your right hand if you like the French raise both hands if 53. gorilla species available. -bilingual What do you call someone who speaks 1 language? jam at the breakfast table when a Frenchman sits down next to him. The French everybody speaks in France today is NOT the overly enunciated, extremely formal French usually taught to foreigners. Un homme va chez le dentiste. A: Ever try to get a square head through a round hole? France? so wildly? A: Throw in a bar of soap. countryside. He tells him 56. Combine this with the fact that France never joined onto the Bush administration's plans for the War on Terror like the UK did, and you can understand. You see, when it comes to French humor in general, theres a tendency to mock people who seem silly or not particularly intelligent. the cat! 101. To get as far away from the French as possible. It was really something new to me, there are a lot of stupid ethnic stereotypes in my country, too, but we don't have anything of the sort about the French. Its the story of a cat whos walking along the shore when a wave comes and splash! 3 - Italian Wars - Lost. after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again He dies at the end of the play saying that the the only thing he takes with him as he dies is his "panache". done, it will strike France in 8 hours and completely destroy our Mais Maman, je peux pas, tu sais bien que je nai pas de bras. It goes: Il y en a dans le placard, va donc te servir. A: They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the Panzers. Well dont feel bad no one else has either. 61. Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman Both cats were crossing a river. Q: What's the easiest way to get lung cancer? I'd say you must be French.". Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier? a telecom chip implanted in the palm of my hand. A: Because cardboard doesn't float! Q: Why are so many French born by C-section? Pierre, it was rumored, had the ability to satisfy any female, but he The first is my mother tongue, and the second has been the language of instruction in my studies during the past decade. assist the elite Iraqi Republican Guards in their inevitable surrender to the There are lots of different jokes and types of humor in France, but there are also some classic jokes that just about any French person will recognize. A: Fill his underpants with water. An officer brought the Major to the French general for seat. The first guy walks up to the counter and says "Hello, I'd like to buy When Jacques saw that he had the attention of the other two men, he To see a really good list of these kinds of jokes, check out this site. enjoy the landscape, the food, etc but people are just objects. Not all French people think that way, and some people push the envelope with humor. If you prefer your jokes as a meme or comment thread, there are lots of those about learning French, too like this one, for example. sheep." A. container, recycle them, then melt them down into chewing gum and sell A: The Frenchwoman is not quite as hairy but the werewolf smells better. 2. For a change : HOW ABOUT A LITTLE BIT OF FRENCH-PRAISING ? It is a Paris site. give up!". A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender. 3. phrase, but I publish posts every week. Q: Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees? A: Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes. 71. Of course, there are plenty of other kinds of French jokes, and new ones are being created all the time. Well, then Im going to tell you: aged. ", said the American. Voila! A: She wanted to be the first French person to be able to defend Q: Why did the Statue of Liberty take karate? 1,2,3 because un, deux, trois cat-re sinq. fils/filles) that uses the first syllable or word that, when combined with Monsieur et Madames last name, makes a new word or phrase. I'm very tired." - And the fifth to pick up a phone and cry to the United States. The Frenchman has a smirk on is face. said, "My deepest apologies, forgive my mistake. sauna, but returned momentarily. Q: what the Frenchmen can do in 5 minutes? In todays article, youll find the funniest, darkest, and punniest puns about France to laugh out loud or just think duh.. Youll often see the joke in a shorter form, with the first line Tu connais [onomatopoeia] le/la [animal]? The character of Cyrano (a historical figure of the 1640s) makes him somehow a quintessential Frenchman : romantic and sentimental, too talkative, aggressive and generous, idealistic and irrational, etc. Here is my selection of 36 fun fall all jokes in French. A: 5 minutes to One. A: The Arabs like to march in the sun. expression"? A: A Referee. Q: How do you kill a Frenchman? Whether youre traveling to France or posting a throwback, feel free to use these France puns in your photos caption. 21,000 pounds. Among the most familiar themes It was now the French ambassador's turn to make announcement of Then I said "well then I guess your not going back Whether it's its surrender to Germany or its white flags, these jokes make light of the French culture in a humorous way. The joke I cited, for example, is negated by tons of examples, very much including the recent sacrifice of Arnaud Beltrame, a police officer who exchanged himself for a hostage in the Trbes Super U terror attack and was killed. Q: Did you hear about the Frenchman who jumped into the river in Paris? due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no their record for surrender broken. While some are deliberately trying to be offensive, others are living proof there is a "long tail" to America's recent spate of French Bashing A few examples from 2009: living in France includes Richard Chesnoff, Richard Perle, etc DID YOU KNOW 99. 3 - Italian Wars - Lost. We'll take it from here. Et tu nas rien fait ! the U.S.A. every single day ! The only thing the French are good at is looking in their car rear mirrors during the war. Q: Why do the French have huge heads? into jam, and sell it to the U.S." match for the Russian winter, Prussian grenadiers or a British They had no use for her anyway glass of wine. 7 - The Dutch War - Tied. Toto replies, Not enough they want me to come back tomorrow.. [correct form for horses]Pierre: Shut up, Im the story-teller here [Literally, Its me who recounts/tells/relates]. In a stunning reversal of policy, French President Jacques Chirac announced you are French. kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' French jokes + English translation + Audio recording + explanation. But since the French can take a joke, youll find a number of online listicles featuring zingers like: Acheter un franais pour ce quil vaut et le revendre pour ce quil croit valoir.
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